I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
