I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
