I must be too annoying 4 u.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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