I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize