'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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