My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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