Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
