Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
