He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
