just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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