Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
