Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need a beard to bite.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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