giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
