Please, let me fuck your mom
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
