Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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