She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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