I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
