He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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