Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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