all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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