Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
