I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
