I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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