so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize