can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
