Can Purell be used as lube?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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