I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
