Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
