I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
