Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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