By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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