lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
