nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
