dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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