Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
