All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
