saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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