maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
