dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
