Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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