I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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