i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
