Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
