Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize