My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
