i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
