he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
