I want to make a zoo with you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Small penises have feelings too.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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