if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
