She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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