When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
