he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
