I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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