im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My room smells like vodka and shame
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were trust falling into bushes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
