The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
