Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I am in a vortex of obligation.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
