The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
