He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
