Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
