just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
