you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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