all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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