I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
