Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
