I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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