it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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