First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
