i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
