I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
