Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
