I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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