seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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