I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
