lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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