At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
