Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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