New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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