I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
