If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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