you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
